i’ll lay it out for you: i like west virginia, don’t get me wrong. this place is crazy in all the right ways. but i don’t plan on living here after my term’s up—i’ve got other things i want to do and other places i want to be. i haven’t even lived here long enough to feel like it’s home (and god knows not long enough for people to NOT consider me an outsider--back-to-the-landers, i feel your pain.) so there’s really no reason for me to feel this way.

but i’ll tell you what: play ‘country roads’ on a sunny day with the windows down, going through the little levels on 219 north, and don’t be surprised if you get a lump in your throat.

char-town

well, let’s get caught up, shall we? the other weekend, my roommate and i decided that enough was enough. after residing in a town of 1,200 for the past two weeks, bank account be damned, we were going to a city!

in west virginia, that city is charleston. sure, you can go to morgantown for wvu sports, beckley to visit tamarack, lewisburg for that gorgeous secondhand bookstore guy, but for a semblance of a city atmosphere, you gotta go to charleston. not that charleston is much of a city. hell, it’s about the same size as my hometown, which isn’t slightly impressive. still, we figured, it’s better than looking at cows all weekend. so, charleston-ho!

coincidentally, we happened to choose the first weekend of festivALL! to visit charleston. it’s pretty much what it sounds like. in any other city, festivALL! would be one weekend slam-jam full of (semi) exciting things to do. in charleston, though, they spread it out over a ten day period—as a result, the excitement is rather limited. luckily, the day’s big event just happened to combine two of my favorite things: puppies and competitive sports!

i guess puppies is the wrong word—dachshunds are NOT puppies just because they’re small! my mistake. at any rate, we were privileged to see this year’s winner, stella, crowned champeen, in what was probably the cutest animal race possible. miles better than a rattlesnake rodeo. also, i saw a uga fan with a bulldog—the inventiveness of georgia alums is simply astounding.

after a finally-decent meal, we headed downtown to catch some wv power baseball! nothing like baseball and a giant beer in the summer. or more accurately, doing the day’s crossword with a giant beer. let’s be honest: i might’ve grown up with baseball, but that doesn’t make it any more exciting. after all, i didn’t break my arm at my brother’s t-ball game by watching in rapt absorption. but, adding beer to even the most mundane activity greatly increases my enthusiasm for said activity, so baseball/crossword it was!

america's real pastime

best part of this game was the appearance of wrestling legend jerry “the king” lawler. no idea who he is? you’re not alone. turns out the dude has a pretty sweet history: getting in kayfabe fights with andy kaufman (it was the 80’s, who didn’t?), performing this instant classic, running for mayor of memphis and getting a not-shabby 11% of votes, using mussorgsky as theme music. generally being an all-around badass. among his exploits this night, the king manhandled a giant anthropomorphic mustard bottle and participated in the ninth inning rave. yes, you read that right—a rave. it doesn’t make any sense, no matter how much you think about it. sadly, despite a valiant (mediocre) effort, the power were bested. so ends day one.

day two: west virginia day! unlike our lovely neighbors to the northwest (wv) and southwest (georgia), north carolina’s celebration of statehood is somewhat…subdued. then again, west virginia’s secession was rather uniquely timed, and i guess that’s as good a reason as any for a day off. and what better way to start such a day than with a biscuit? so, to tudor’s biscuit world we went! for you nc-ers, it’s basically a biscuitville with much less kitschy décor. also, they’re sometimes combined with a place called gino’s pasta and spaghetti. yeah. bottom line: delicious face-sized biscuits. definitely a must-try for all those of you considering a trip to west virginia (which should be everybody!).

after touring the capitol grounds and learning that booker t. washington spent a good deal of his youth in the charleston area (super interesting!), we took a tour of the west virginia state museum. friends, if ever you have the chance to enter this fine establishment, do so. nowhere else will you find preserved (and clothed) circus fleas, jerry west’s lakers jersey, and a rousing marching band version of john denver’s ‘country roads' as exit music!

seriously though, this museum, which opened last year, is fantastic. it starts way back in dinosaur times with the formation of coal, and continues up to the present day with vignette-esque scenes of west virginia’s past. so cool! among the things i learned: george washington owned a ton of land in west virginia (yeah, yeah, i know—west virginia was part of virginia once, but it’s still pretty cool); fiestaware, possibly one of my favorite consumer goods, was created in newell, west virginia; and the coal wars were just another reason being a miner is kinda hazardous to your health (for more on how mining is awful, watch harlan county, usa, or read this book).

this is an ungodly long ramble, but the take-home message is this: charleston was fun, educational, and quirkily great. so visit already!

carma

has it been a month already? sorry, y’all. it’s not really that there’s nothing interesting going on in wv, it’s just that i’m too lazy to actually write about it. maybe this will fix that.

my job is about 10 miles/20 minutes (gotta love those mountain miles) down the road from where i live, so naturally, one of the first observations i made about wv involved on-road encounters. i have a 1996 mazda 626—pretty small, as far as cars go (this picture, while not exactly helpful in showing dimensions, is what it looks like). at 14, the car doesn’t have a lot of pickup left, so while i can/do drive fast, it takes awhile to get to cruising speed. add to it the fact that, upon arrival, i wasn’t used to mountain roads, and i think you’ll see where i’m going.

point is, wv drivers HATED me. not only was i going ungodly slow, brakes squealing the whole way, but i have an nc license plate and a carolina sticker. just like all the north carolinians who yell, “come ON, south carolina!” whenever we come across one of our fair neighbors, west virginians don’t take too kindly to strangers poking along their country roads. for the first week, it was completely stressful—any time i got on the road, there was always some huge truck (ALWAYS with a wvu tag on the front), riding me. and often, passing me in some death-defying situation—it seemed usually to occur while going uphill, around a blind curve, and in a no-pass zone. no lie.

luckily, going the speed limit isn’t an issue anymore! i’ve gotten used to the curves here, and well, it’s way more fun than driving back home, even if the max speed is 60.

the great equalizer? tractors, logging trucks, semis, dump trucks—all similarly cringe-inducing. when you’re used to hitting the buckeye bend at 30 mph (google maps that for kicks), going about 7 mph feels like torture. some drivers are nice and pull their slow vehicles off where they can, others aren’t. either way, it’s just a fact of life that sooner or later you’re going to hit a tractor jam.

not sure what i’m really getting at here—i guess that for someone not used to driving one-lane/rural roads, it’s been an interesting introduction. also, a reminder: be nice to your fellow drivers! they’re probably as ticked off as you that someone’s riding a horse down the road.